why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize