so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
