There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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