Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
