You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
