Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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