Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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