your parents love me but you hate me
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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