it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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