Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
