What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
