hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
