she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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