genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
