I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize