i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
