Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Randomize
