PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
