Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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