no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
