Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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