This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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