He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
