are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
