as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize