From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
