absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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