The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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