Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It was confusing and full of hummus
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
