were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Everyone says I win the strip club
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Randomize
