she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
