when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
