My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
