At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
