Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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