I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
