are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
