Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
