i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
