I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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