Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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