Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
