I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
