I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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