What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
