I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
