WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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