they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
