Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize