He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
