She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
