dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
