im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
