i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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