Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
