her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
