That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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