Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
