the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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