I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
