Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
