I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
