You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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