my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
