I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
