I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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