Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
