$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
