I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
