I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
