you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Pooping to opera.
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