thus making me awesome and them whores
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
