I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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