I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
