If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
