Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
