thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
