why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
No...this little piggys going to the bar
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
