My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Actions speak louder than pants.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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