I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
