I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
