the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
