So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
