GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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