I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize