good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
