Whod you bang
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
