my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
and she was petting her beer can
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
