and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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