it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
