Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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