It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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