i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
