Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
