ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
