You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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