i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
