did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
