I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
