Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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