Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
