Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize