Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize