I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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