I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
