I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
