were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
