yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
