I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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