I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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