he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
