So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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