so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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