no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
