it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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