; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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