We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize