Will you blow on my dice?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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